you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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