I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
