You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
