So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
