I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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