We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize