Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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