Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
