I wish life had little blips of pornography
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
