i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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