this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
