oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize