Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
