dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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