My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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