Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
