i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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