Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
