told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
