You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
