Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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