Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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