It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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