so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
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we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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