Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
