We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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