Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize