Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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