i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
