And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My ass is underappreciated
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
