oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
