not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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