woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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