we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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