So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
