the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
