A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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