I have demons in me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
