nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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