y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
