I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
