Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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