put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
