She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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