Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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