Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
