Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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