God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
