How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
