Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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