my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Hippo gnu deer
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
