You're completely useless in the revolution.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
