Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We are two peas in an std pod
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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