Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
