if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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