FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
