AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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