Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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