Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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