Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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