yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
