he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
