If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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