It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
