This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
