How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
