We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Someone came in the potted fern
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
