we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
