I'm going to jail i love you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
